MTV Our Generation Award Acceptance Speech
delivered 18 June 2018, Barker Hanger, Santa Monica, CA
[AUTHENTICITY CERTIFIED: Text version below transcribed directly from audio]
Thank you. Can you hear me? I don't want to lean down. [into the mic]
I want to thank Bryce [Dallas Howard] and Aubrey [Plaza]. I love you both so much.
Thank you, MTV, for this honor.
Real quick -- thanks to my Mom and my Dad; and my brother, Cully; my sister Angie -- I love you. I love our family. We didn't have a pot to piss in growing up but we laughed our butts off everyday -- and we still do.
And a special mention to my son, Jack, who will watch this one day. Kid, I love you. I love you more than anything in the world.
And to the fans -- I wouldn't be here without you. Thank you.
This being the Generation Award, I'm...going to cut to the chase and I'm going to speak to you, the next generation, okay? I accept the responsibility as your elder, so listen up. This is what I call "Nine rules from Chris Pratt, Generation Award winner":
Number 1: Breathe. If you don't, you'll suffocate.
Number 2: You have a soul. Be careful with it.
Number 3: Don't be a turd. If you're strong, be a protector. And if you're smart, be a humble influencer. Strength and intelligence can be weapons, and do not wield them against the weak. That makes you a bully. Be bigger than that.
Number 4: When giving a dog medicine, put the medicine in a little piece of hamburger. They won't even know they're eating medicine.
Number 5: Doesn't matter what it is -- earn it. A good deed. Reach out to someone in pain. Be of service. It feels good and it's good for your soul.
Number 6: God is real. God loves you. God wants the best for you. Believe that. I do.
Number 7: If you have to poop at a party, but you're embarrassed because you're going to stink up the bathroom, just do what I do. Lock the door. Sit down. Get all the pee out first, okay? And then once all the pee's done: Poop. Flush. Boom. You minimize the amount of time that the poop is touching the air, because if you poop first it takes you longer to pee and then you're peeing on top of it, stirring it up. The poop particles create a cloud, goes out, and then everyone in the party will know that you pooped. Just -- Just trust me -- it's science.
Number 8: Learn to pray. It's easy, and it's so good for your soul.
And finally, Number 9: Nobody is perfect. People are going to tell you, "You're perfect just the way you are." You're not! You are imperfect. You always will be. But, there is a powerful force that designed you that way. And if you're willing to accept that, you will have grace. And grace is a gift.
And like the freedom that we enjoy in this country that grace was paid for with somebody else's blood. Do not forget it. Don't take it for granted.
God bless you.
Please get home safely.
Page Updated: 6/14/19
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